Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
