I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
