Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
