Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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