I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
