Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
