and you said cock pushups were impossible
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
