Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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