Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
