I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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