I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
