neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
