Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
