I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
