Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
