You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
