ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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