wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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