Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
