Screwed.edu
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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