Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
