I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
