So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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