He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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