lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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