I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
