You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
