So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize