hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
