My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
