my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
