I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
