Betty ford says i'm here all night
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
