I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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