i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
