How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
