she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
did i just pee glitter
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
