I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
bring money and cleavage
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
