Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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