so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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