Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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