Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
