And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
