WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
