garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
