So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
