I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize