I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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