I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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