I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
