Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
