We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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