life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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