So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize