Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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