if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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