I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
