When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
