I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
