Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
