I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize