So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
