just tell him i said nine months
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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