I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
