I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Boobs speak an international language.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
