fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
