Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
