I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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