I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
