You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
