I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize