just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
