...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
