some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
