Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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