You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
