i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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