it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
