she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
