our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
