what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
this beer tastes like vomit already
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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