very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
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