He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
