Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
whose ass print is on the piano?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize