We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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