I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
