Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize