I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
