No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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